there was a model airplane kit that was a loner

he was the only model airplane left and he sat alone on his shelf and counted the dust that gathered on the shelf with him

you might be asking yourself now why something as cool as a model airplane might be sitting alone on a shelf when it was a storeful of really cool toys to mingle with

(good ) but there was a reason and this is it

his manual was TERRIBLY boring

all the other sweet toys had manuals that had pictures, and color diagrams, and some even sang

but poor mr. airplane had nothing but proper english and a swell CADD drawing or two

but one day, there was a man who entered the store, and he was a pilot

he had flown around the world as a commercial pilot and had seen most of what there is to be seen

(at least from above)

and he was looking for something to get his grandchildren to share his passion with them

but all the other crazy toys were too bright and loud for the gentleman's taste

his eyesight was failing him from so many hours in the sky and the reflection of the sun off of the clouds

so the man looked and looked until he found the airplane

he brushed all the dust off of it ( and a lot of dust there was) and instantly knew that the airplane was what he was looking for

the diagrams, although bleak, were simple and comprehendible

the steps were straightforward

and the looks of the plane were modest, but not without character

so the old man purchased the plane set, and was eager to return home to his grandkids to show them

the end.

penguins.

so once upon a time a giant penguin was walking around the south pole

he was a very very big penguin

and try as he might, he couldn't really lose much weight

he walked around often

and he talked with many athletic penguins and asked for advice

but no matter what he did he just couldn't put off those penguin pounds

and he gave up for a while

but then one day he tried to ride an elevator, and not even the elevator could rise to the occassion and this made the penguin very very sad for a long time

he felt like there was nothing he could do in his poor little penguin ways to solve his pudge problem

but then he saw inspiration in a tiny little grey baby penguin

the baby penguin, naturally optimistic in it's high energy youth, walked up to giant panda and wiped his artic tears

he asked the penguin why he was so sad and the giant penguin replied "i'm just... so big! i don't know how to get rid of all of this! there's just too much of me"

but little penguin told big penguin "don't be silly! that just means there's more of you to love"

and then the little penguin hugged the big penguin, told him once more not to be a sad penguin and left

the big penguin then realized that his moping was not worth the time he was wasting

he realized that the little penguin was right and he got an idea

he started a quest to start hugging every penguin he could find

and at first people were surprised and a little scared to see this giant penguin approach them

but when they received the hug they were quite relieved (except for grandpa penguin... he was a "man"guin and "man"guins didn't hug)

and thus big panda traveled the ice cap looking for people to hug

and he walked

and walked

and walked

walked

walked

and as soon as he was getting tired, he ran into the same baby penguin that talked to him before

and the little penguin smiled, gave big penguin a hug, and told him this: "remember, giant penguin, that even big icebergs will melt under the warm of another's love"

and big penguin smiled and went home to sleep

when big penguin woke the next day

he got up slowly out of bed as a sore sore bird

but then he noticed, even then, that it felt a little easier to get up

he looked at himself in the mirror and he realized that among all the walking and hugging that he had gotten into shape

he still had a tummy, but that was expected of a penguin

but he felt great!

and he was so happy he waddled outside and squawked a big squawk of happiness

and somewhere in the distance he thought he could see a furry little baby penguin walking towards the sunrise and then walk over the artic sea into nowhere

the end.

From an internet conversation

So there I was, in the middle of a bank

And I was checking my balance

And I noticed there weren't many zeroes behind it

So I decided that I needed a few more

I pulled out my nerf dart gun and stuck up the place,

Telling the lady behind the counter to fill the bag or I was gonna unleash some Styrofoam mayhem on the whole bank

She complied with what I said; I left the bank and shot up a few people just to show them I meant age-5-and-up business

I made my getaway on my G.I. Joe jeep

But right as I thought I was safe, the battery died and I had to make it on foot

It was a long 50 yards across the street to k-mart where I could lay low for a bit

But I made it by looking both ways and crossing with care

I even helped and old lady cross

But then I shot her in the knee with the nerf gun.... no prisoners, no mercy

But then by the time I got in k-mart, I realized it was about 6:08

And I need to get home and tell Laura about this story

So here I am now

I trust you'll keep my story secret

toga.

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